D3 body, D1 cock
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
