girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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