You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
