well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
