if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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