cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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