Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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