Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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