Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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