and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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