I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
