I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize