I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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