i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
