Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
