I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
