Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
