Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
