Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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