let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
