The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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