when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
