The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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