if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
