I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
