Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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