Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
