There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
