you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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