weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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