roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
