ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
