I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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