Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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