I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
