the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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