I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
