I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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