on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
