I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
