It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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