he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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