I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
