Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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