after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize