By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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