took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
