Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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