i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
