White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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