One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
