I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Panties = found
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