just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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