8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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