when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
