Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
