the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
