nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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