WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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