i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
