Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
