Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
