A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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