This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
