Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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