Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
