Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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