Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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