Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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