The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
