Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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