he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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