its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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