even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Two words: nipple clamps
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