I want to walk on stilts...naked
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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