Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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