so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
