ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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