Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
