Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
