Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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