I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
