so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
